What is mansplaining?
The bad habit of explaining what has not been asked, annoying, isn’t it? well, it is a situation that women all over the world experience every day. The term mansplaining comes from the composition of the following terms: Man and explain. Is defined as the explanation by a man in a paternalistic or condescending way to a woman.
Condescending, firstly, because it is unsolicited and, secondly, because sometimes they don’t even know what they are talking about and/or it is none of their business. Paternalistic because of the presumption of an inferior capacity for understanding on the part of women. A treatment in which some men take control of the conversation and come as heroes to the rescue of the helpless and uninformed “girl”, overriding the woman and her opinions.
Mansplaining is a form of belittling and an invitation to silence. Therefore, it is a microaggression, since it is given from a privileged group (men) to an oppressed one (women).
Examples of mansplaining
The term was coined by Rebeca Solnit who wrote the book “Men explain things to me”. In it she relates how, among other examples, a man at a meeting explained one of her articles to her, ignoring her authorship and after several attempts by other attendees to indicate that he was talking to the author.
The man does not realize that the woman to whom he is explaining something may have the same or more knowledge about the subject. It is also possible that she is not interested in receiving any instruction.
Some of the most common cases of Mansplaining:
- Situations in which men generalize about women or about topics that concern them exclusively and make comments such as “What you should/should do is…”, “What women want is…”, “Women don’t understand about…”. In fact, men who write about feminism have more impact and are more accepted than women who deal with the same topics.
- Conversations monopolized by one or more men. Interruptions to give their opinion on the subject or to correct what the woman is saying.
- Lectures on her work. Such lectures are also given in front of other colleagues.
- Unsolicited advice. Such as being corrected on their posture in the gym or given directions when parking.
- Not taking a woman’s opinion or judgment seriously, especially if it does not coincide with her male colleagues or if she is the first to bring the issue to their attention.
Historically, men are rewarded for expressing themselves and women are penalized. How often is a woman with clear ideas and the will to make herself heard labeled as “bossy” or “controlling”, while a man with those same attributes is “leader material”?
The new masculinities
More and more men are seeking to stop being macho and change behaviors such as mansplaining. They recognize that the path of sexism is coming to an end and they no longer want to be part of it.
However, this concept attracts a fear: “I don’t want to be sexist, but I don’t want to become feminine”. Some people associate this term with being “soft” or “weak” males, subjected to aggressive women. This kind of thinking only reinforces the idea that one can only be macho or effeminate.
Well, let’s simplify what this new masculinity requires. It is about finding more positive ways of expressing masculinity and breaking the models of strong-aggressive-male and fragile-submissive-female.
The new masculinities are not concerned about assuming attitudes traditionally considered feminine. This implies that it does not see women as inferior and, therefore, has no need, among others, to be condescending or paternalistic towards them.
How should I act as a woman?
We cannot forget that we live in a historically patriarchal society, so women can unconsciously fall into and perpetuate sexist behaviors. If we want a change, we must start with us. We must set an example for each other.
Surely many of you have seen that scene in the movie Sex and the City 2 in which Miranda, tired of her boss raising his hand to shut her up to attent her male colleagues, openly stands up to him. She lets him know that his behavior is discriminatory and that her opinions and arguments may be equally or more valid than those of her colleagues.
Well then, we must become Mirandas and stand up to those men who patronize us. Of course, assertive language is key when it comes to giving a message, but if we do not start to draw attention or correct those behaviors, no one will do it for us.
1. Speak up, don’t hold back. Speak your mind, speak more and louder. Redirect the conversation back to you if you’ve been cut off.
2. Argue. If you know what you are talking about, there is no need to hide or be ashamed.
3. Explain it. If you are a victim of mainsplaining let the other person know that they are doing it and that you don’t like it.
4. We are stronger together. Look for other women or new masculinities to ally with to balance the scales.
Some phrases that can be useful when it comes to stopping situations where a man makes us mansplain:
– “Thank you, but I’m not interested.”
– “Maybe it would be helpful if I told you about my experience.”
– “I appreciate your comment, but I don’t need you to explain it to me.”
– “I’m already familiar with the subject”
– “Not all women want/think that”
– “Let me finish what I was saying, if you have questions we can resolve themat the end”
We should not be afraid to empower ourselves and have our worth seen and recognized.
At a social level, enormous efforts are being made to generate greater inclusion of women. But it is not enough to include women, it is necessary to establish new forms of communication and this requires re-education.
References
Platero, R. Lucas; Rosón, Maria y Ortega, Esther (eds.). “Barbarismos queer y otras esdrújulas”: Barcelona: Edicions Bellaterra, 2017
Las nuevas masculinidades positivas. Utopìa y Praxis Latinoamericana [online]. 2008, vol.13, n.41, pp.93-106. ISSN 1315-5216.
Júlia Tarancón Estades
Psychologist Col. Nº B-03232