A person suffering from borderline personality disorder will usually move in extremes regarding his emotions and it will be very difficult to find a middle ground. For this reason, several authors have described borderline personality disorder using the duality of fire and ice. To get an idea, imagine someone who meets a person and feels a special connection like have not felt before, but does not want to see this person a few days later, or feels extremely sad and does not want to see anyone, but feels very happy and is the life of the party a few hours later. People with these characteristics are usually very sensitive to the circumstances of their environment and tend to experience very intense emotional reactions, usually disproportionate to the situation that provokes them.
According to the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), borderline personality disorder is defined as a pattern of instability in relationships with others, in how one sees oneself and how one experiences emotions and is characterized by intens impulsivity. This pattern begins in the early stages of adult life and manifests itself in different contexts of the person’s life (family, work, partner…). Some of the most frequent symptoms that people with this diagnosis may present are the following:
- Desperate efforts to avoid abandonment or rejection, real or imagined, by other people. These fears reflect an intolerance to loneliness and may include the belief that “I am being abandoned because I am bad”.
- Intense and unstable interpersonal relationships in which the person alternates from idealization to devaluation of the other person. In this way, they may demand things from the other person too soon (such as spending too much time together or sharing too intimate details). If the other person does not meet these demands, they may become disappointed very quickly and suddenly cut ties.
- Rapid changes in identity and self-image involving modifications in goals, personal values and/or career aspirations. They usually have a negative self-image that is intensified when they do not have a meaningful interpersonal relationship and feel helpless.
- Impulsivity in two or more areas that are potentially self-harmful, e.g., unprotected sex, drug use, irresponsible spending, pathological gambling, binge eating, etc.
- Recurrent suicide attempts or threats, or self-injurious behaviours, which usually occur when the person feels frustrated because his or her expectations have not been met or is afraid that someone will “abandon” him or her.
- Sudden mood changes (anxiety, anger, irritability, intense joy…) that usually last a few hours and rarely last more than a few days. These changes are generally related to what is happening around them and to the idealization-devaluation process that can occur not only towards people, but also towards situations in which their expectations are not met.
- Chronic feelings of emptiness.
- Intense and inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling it, which can lead to intense arguments or physical fights. After expressing anger, they often feel shame or guilt, thus contributing to increase their negative self-image.
- During periods of stress, they may manifest paranoid ideas or loss of contact with reality that can last from minutes to hours.
The presence of these symptoms, especially impulsivity, excessive anger, high demands in terms of social relationships and constant mood swings can lead people around them to take distance, making it difficult to have affectionate and lasting relationships. All this can contribute to increase fear of loneliness and to take even more actions aimed at avoiding abandonment.
It is important to clarify that presenting one or more of these symptoms does not necessarily mean that the person has a borderline disorder. We can have specific personality traits (such as borderline traits) and not have a personality disorder. We must remember that to make a diagnosis of a mental disorder, an evaluation by a professional must be carried out.
If you identify yourself with what you have just read, do not lose heart. Many people who suffer from this disorder and follow a therapeutic process can learn to better regulate their emotions, increase their self-esteem, and have meaningful and healthy interpersonal relationships. If you have any questions or if you think we can help you, do not hesitate to contact us.
Psychologist Col. Nº B-02615