When the mobile phone also acts as a third party to the relationship
We all know that technology has radically changed our lives. We work in front of a screen, meet on WhatsApp, meet people through apps, make medical consultations by video call and – why not say it?– we also explore our sexuality through a screen. What we may not be so aware of is how this is influencing, little by little, the way we relate sexually to ourselves and to others.
This article is not about alarmism, nor about demonizing technology. It is, as always, about stopping to look at what is happening and how it makes us feel.
Social Media and Sexuality: Between Connection and Comparison
Networks can be a space for meeting, expression and discovery. But they can also make us feel insecure, insufficient, or exposed. There are those who have felt freer to show their desire or their sexual orientation thanks to the net. And there are those who have entered a spiral of comparisons, likes and fragile self-esteem. A like is not a caress. A reaction is not a conversation. And this is noticed in the long run.
Dating apps: wish fast, connect slow
With dating apps, we’ve gone from “I know you and we’ll see” to “I’ll rate you in half a second”. There are those who have found the partner (or their next adventure) in one click. But there are also those who have been burned, tired or have felt that everything is too superficial. It’s not that apps are bad. It’s just that, sometimes, they make us go on autopilot. And it’s hard to stop and see if we’re really connecting or just filling in gaps.
Online pornography: expectations, realities and silences
It is not new that pornography influences the way we understand sex. What is new is the quantity, ease of access and age at which it is accessed. Pornography can teach, it can stimulate and it can open spaces of fantasy. But it can also convey misconceptions about consent, pleasure, bodies, or roles. And all too often, he becomes the great sex educator… when it should be only a part, and very contextualized.
Virtual reality and sex robots: where are we going?
It is not science fiction. There are already sexual experiences in virtual reality and sex robots with human forms. It is evident that they open up possibilities for fantasy, inclusion and experimentation. But they also raise questions. Can they replace a human relationship? Do they bring us closer or further away from others?
When technology takes us away from what is in front of us
It’s easy to be physically with someone and emotionally absent. We see it every day. And in bed, too. A notification can interrupt an intimate moment. A display can replace a pending conversation. Sometimes, it’s not the technology itself. It’s how we use it.
Small gestures to reconnect
You don’t need to roll your phone out the window or uninstall Tinder, Grindr or whichever app you use. But perhaps we can take some steps to regain intimacy:
- Agree on screen-free moments with your partner.
- Talk about what we like (and what we don’t) in sex and technology.
- Educate ourselves, read, listen, contrast.
- Set healthy limits on the consumption of pornography.
- Reconnect with the body: one’s own and that of the other.
Conclusion: technology with intimacy, not against intimacy
Technology is here to stay. And it can also be an ally. But to achieve this, we have to raise awareness. Looking at fewer screens and looking at ourselves more. Talk more and disconnect more often. Make space for desire, for contact, for the gaze. Because in the end, no screen can replace a real connection.