Sexual life is a fundamental part of a person’s health and well-being. Having a satisfactory sexual life (that is, adapted to the tastes and needs of each person) not only contributes to people’s happiness, but can be decisive for the intimacy of a relationship; In addition, it can also have benefits on physical and psychological health. However, for many people, sex life can be an area of concern or dissatisfaction, especially as a couple. Fortunately, there are numerous ways in which both individual and shared sexuality can be worked on.
Why does a couple lack sexual desire?
The lack of sexual desire in a couple can be caused by a variety of factors, so each case should be investigated individually in consultation. However, stress, fatigue, relationship problems, and hormonal disorders are some of the common reasons. It also usually occurs due to having experienced unsatisfactory sexuality for a time.
How does lack of desire affect relationships?
Lack of sexual desire can have a major impact on relationships; Thus, it can generate frustration, resentment and a feeling of emotional disconnection from the partner, as well as guilt and a feeling of pressure. Likewise, a lack of intimacy can weaken the emotional connection and negatively affect the self-esteem of both, among other consequences. Additionally, it can lead to avoidance of sex, which aggravates the problem.
Tips to improve your sexual life as a couple
- Self-knowledge: knowing our own body is essential to enjoy full sexuality. To this end, it is usually very useful to reserve a weekly time (one or two hours) with ourselves to explore ourselves (take conscious showers, masturbate in different ways, massage ourselves…)
It’s about learning how our body responds to different stimuli, what sensations we like, how being relaxed affects us, etc. - Sexual education: often, lack of knowledge can be an obstacle to a satisfactory sexual life. However, current sex education leaves much to be desired (e.g., it is often focused on penetration, it does not teach about other forms of pleasure). Educating yourself about different sexual issues (from physiology to sexually transmitted infections) can help you better understand your own body, as well as that of your partner, and live a calmer and freer sexuality. Likewise, sex education can help demystify the myths and unrealistic expectations that exist around sexuality.
- Unlearn what has been learned: by this, we mean having realistic expectations, and unlearning what has been learned regarding the general culture of sexuality. Specifically, almost everything we learn comes from pornography, which shows unrealistic scenes. For example, pornographic videos usually show powerful, easy, and continuous orgasms. Knowing that this is usually fake allows us to not have impossible expectations when experiencing our sexual encounters.
- Open and honest communication: communication is key to maintaining a healthy romantic relationship, and this also applies to sexual life. Talking openly and honestly (without fear of judgment) with your partner about your desires, needs, fantasies, and concerns is essential. Learning to listen to your partner is just as important as expressing your own thoughts and desires.
- Personal health: leading a healthy lifestyle is important. Factors such as exercising, eating well and taking care of mental health greatly affect different areas of our sexuality (from our sexual response, for example affecting lubrication and erections, to other factors such as desire or orgasms). On a more psychological level, the better you feel about yourself, the more likely you will be to feel comfortable and confident in your sex life.
- Experimentation and fantasy: monotony in sexual life can lead to dissatisfaction in certain situations. Therefore, sometimes it is useful to experiment with new positions, sex toys or fantasies. The key here is communication and a mutual willingness to explore and try new things together. Of course, it is very important not to pressure our partner to try something, and to know how to accept “no.” To know what to try, you can go to an erotic store, or read an erotic book together. In this sense, it is advisable not to abuse intercourse.
- Consult a sexologist: A sexologist can help you improve your sex life in different ways: for example, if you experience persistent difficulties in your sex life, such as erectile dysfunction, desire problems or pain during sex (dyspareunia). , it is important to seek help from a sexologist or health professional. We can also turn to a sexologist to give us ideas on what to experiment with, or how to improve our communication as a couple.
In short, improving your sex life involves a combination of factors ranging from communication and sexual education to self-care and stress management. Each person is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. The key is honesty, empathy, and a willingness to work together to create a satisfying and healthy sex life.
References
Dosch, A., Belayachi, S., & Van der Linden, M. (2016). Implicit and explicit sexual attitudes: How are they related to sexual desire and sexual satisfaction in men and women?. The Journal of Sex Research, 53(2), 251-264.
Velten, J., & Margraf, J. (2017). Satisfaction guaranteed? How individual, partner, and relationship factors impact sexual satisfaction within partnerships. PloS one, 12(2), e0172855.
Xavi Ponseti
Col. Nº B-03138